I always knew that I am very short tempered like my father but I used to think that I am what I am. But I had to turn to see the other side of the coin; after all one side can not bring the balance. I thought to become patient, bring calmness in my nature and think thousand times before reacting on any matter. This was not necessary only for me but also not to hurt my loved ones. Expressions play very important role in gesture because they leave impression.

My father is a great fan of Shree Rajnish and my mother believed in all God and Godess without drawing religious line. So since my early childhood I had not learned any particular religious pacts to follow. Being grown up in Gurukul, I am a firm believer of Shrimad Bhagvad Gita. I am not saying that I am a master of its philosophy but yes I learnt few aspects of life since my gurukul days on the path of Gita. Life is been destined by two way journey: one towards self and another towards world. One has to see the beauties on both the ways. I thought to let my conscious grow. I thought to read something on Buddha and I asked my father whether he had anyone. Obviously he had and suggested me to read very very big versions of “Eso Dhamo Sanatano” by Osho depicted on Buddhism. By seeing the size I found excuses. Later on I thought on Buddhism, to reach the self they boycott all the material aspects but in my opinion how one can leave the things without holding the same. So it is very necessary to hold to leave it and hence one has to indulge in materialism to become aware of self.

Final destiny is to attainment of conscious. It’s not important which path we walk on but it is more important how is the journey and enlightenment during the journey. So I thought not to indulge in any particular way or say not to follow a specific religion, the real thing is to become moral and that I can not achieve by deciding what is good or what is bad, but the point is to become conscious of all actions and to crush the ego and not to believe in worldly words. Finally I realized this is the path I used to follow but I just need to be more conscious which somewhere I had lost and so all the problems started popping up and so I need to go back on my way of Spirituality, I don’t need to become religious.

At each stage of life we learn something new. Life is all about learning, whether it’s something good or something which we never want. In all the cases, we conclude “I learnt something from it.”

My best friend Sangi has taught me lots many things. Relation with her is something different, physically we are very far but miles have never affected our feelings. We have kept us alive by giggling on those sweet memories of life. Our fights in childhood can never be forgotten. Its how two most hatred enemies become BEST FRIENDS, makes our relation remarkably special. I never need to say that I need you Sangi because she always remained with me. She always listen me patiently and more than my words she understands my silence. She always knows what I am going through, what I am thinking and what I want to do. My life is open book to her and she has read all the pages carefully and many times answered the WH questions of those torn-new pages.

After leaving so called high profile job and especially by not accepting the transfer I am having difficult time as far as financial matter is concerned. One day I got a call from Sangi as always we had long talks, I explained how I was upset on little piece of cloth. I liked one skirt. I always bought what I liked. I never restrained my life from the things which I like. I indulge in my wishes and enjoy material aspects with spiritual aspects of life. But that skirt is where my eyes were stuck on but spending of Rs. 500 is what my bank account would cry on. So I kept my eyes on other things which I didn’t like and I didn’t buy anything. But this is not my attitude, once I like something I want to have it anyhow. I wanted to look gorgeous on that skirt. But Books of my studies are so costly that I had no option than to left thinking of that one meter cloth. I washed out my feelings to Sangi and she simply taught me how to control feelings in such situation. She said see you have enjoyed everything and you have everything but in life self discipline is very important how one small thing can trap your attention, be free from everything and don’t get trapped in something which will bide you. I got her words and understood.

She told me about her situation what she is going through. I understand how she is struggling in London; it’s not easy to conquer the battle on alien’s land. But there is a huge gap between understanding and experiencing. When she said “I have only 15 bucks in my account” and other related things. It cut my throat and words could not come out. I felt terrible insecurity for her and wish I could be there with her.

On my birthday I got a call from her and she said she wanted to buy a handbag for me. First I said NO but she convinced me. She enjoys in giving. Since my childhood I have seen she feels happy when she gives something to someone. Once she said it’s very easy to give gifts but true gifting is when you give someone your favorite things. I cultivated Giving Habit from her. She is truly fabulous person and I am lucky to be her friend. This is not about the material things. Material things have nill importance in relations but this is something about how to share our precious things with our loved ones.

Fantastic Free

I’m amazed how we all enjoy the things called free even though we are aware that it’s not free at all, there is always hidden cost. After all no one would run business in loss. It’s so funny to believe in all these Fantastic Free Fundas.

One day such free funda electrified my mind when I realized that I am investing my 4-5 days’ salary on communication media. It was out of my defense budget so I thought let me cover the distance between Jamnagar and Cochin as I really didn’t want to “Karlo Duniya Mutthi Me” and I got the new connection of so called free scheme from Gujarati Managed Business House. Later on network expanded in free to Bhubneswar and even in Jamnagar and sometimes towards Nagpur and finally Cochin got replaced by Port Blair. So I had controlled Whole India in my Cell Phone which covers geographically world’s 16% area so I was Happy that my free ka funda was worth investing. At the sametime my ears must be asking for mercy from me and about which I didn’t care. Finally Service provider had showered their blessings on my ears and said Tathastu to free scheme on very auspicious day of Rakshabandhan, Hayeeeeeee Free ka Bandhan tut gayyyyyyyyya. Yes, one more like this, only at the end of advertise they simply say “Take Care” I don’t understand for what they advise us to take care, from side effects of their highly marketed products?????? Like hair fall in free with purchase of shampoo or fairness in free with cream which contains acids and burns our face hair to shine and we feel yesssssssss I have become fairer. More than this, to create a feeling of Apnapan in free they use desi words like “Apna Khayal Rakhna” from the mouth of videshi models.

This was something market related free scheme but what about in real life. What would one boyfriend get in free along with the new title BoYFriEnD? Let me guesssssssss. Oh so called emotional wordssssssss “Honey I miss you like anything” and some nicknames which he had never expected before, of course how can he expect him to be a Gadha or Popat??? Always his cell phone beeps when he is too busy with his high profile job and when he checks the message all the free words (few words must have been chewed by rats on the way as she always writes in short forms) are written like it has been written in Upnishadas and at this situation he must be feeling like a character of Kalidas’ famous poem MEGHDUT on which clouds pours her soul mate’s (yeaaaaah they can not tolerate each other even for a dinner but they think they are SoUlmAte ) message. Sometimes unnecessarily he has to wish her girlfriend’s friends on their so called special occasions, even if he forgets his friend’s occasions but he can’t of his girlfriend’s…….. And yes if he doesn’t receive her call then ohhhhhhhhhhhh he has to face the world’s greatest script writer’s dialogues from her and I think all prime time serials are using these dialogues in free.

One day I heard two ladies gossiping, one was saying today finally I’m going to tell my bahu “see now it’s enough, you both have taken enough time, now I want to have grand children (mind it well its Plural not singular), before I take last breath I want to play with them (senti + mental sentence along with hope to live upto her century in free)” I thought to interrupt and tell her”OOO hellllllllooo, marriage is not a license to get kids in free and it costs lot to the country like India which is going to overtake China in 2050 in population terms”. But I left quietly because my free advice could cost lots of hatred from other people also in free to me. Enjoy all the Fantastic Free Fundas around you which you would get in frrrrrrrrreeeeeeeee.

Fragile

Manoj, a boy from Agra, aged around 10 years came and asked us for “Chana Masala”. Cute face and innocence were dimpling on his chicks but there was no childish agility in his gesture, he was quiet as water of lake, eyes were blinking like twinkling stars as they were full of hope. We didn’t want to eat his chana masala but Isha analysed the value of five rupees in his eyes and we took it. When Isha gave him five rupees we both imagined how he would spend these five rupees. He might buy food or may give it to his mother or may his father snatch it from him and would waste it in country liquor, he may have wished of buying a toy with which his aged kids use to play and for which he can not even dream. I asked him “are you attending a school?” Few seconds made me to guess his answer “Yes, in morning I go to school and in the evening I come here to sell Chana Masala” but I disappointed by his simple wordless reply by moving his neck in negativity. He smiled and went by putting five rupees in his shirt’s pocket as it was five thousand rupees and he could buy few of his daily happiness from it.

Few days back I went to Orphanage Home. Fortunately I could not see any small children over there. I would say fortunately because there is no reason to smile by seeing unprivileged children. I have been with such kids for five years in Gurukul. One of them was my very good friend. I still remember her words “If ever I get the chance to see my parents, I would ask only one question why you have given me such a pathetic life?” I know her feelings, occasionally her screaming for love and her emotions.

I always hate child labors and feel restless by seeing unprivileged children because I have spent five years with such kids so I do know the reasons of why people do this such an unjustifiable thing. We the Indians have accepted all these child related issues and consider them as part of daily life. Government had made the Primary Education to children a fundamental right with one more amendment to the constitution by making it lengthier (It is already the lengthiest constitution in the world; hates off to beurocrates, who ranked the world’s worst beurocrates, mug up it and feel proud of being the part of system). Why we accept the things as they are? Making policies and organizing committees on issues won’t bring the smile on these innocent faces. They need care and warm love from us, it’s not to sacrifice life for them but giving few minutes from our hectic schedule is also a good thing which we can do for them by being a normal person. They even don’t expect material things from us but they expect us to listen them and to feel their pain and few words with love which shows their importance in this world because everyone likes to be loved and everyone wants to feel that he or she is important. We don’t know but it’s true a smile with full of love will stop this fragility.

Bunk from Office??? Yessssss

I have heard of bunking from school or tuition classes but never of from office, but yes Isha did it for me. In the morning I gave her a call that I’m coming, she did not allow me to reach at office and advised to wait at downstairs. I thought let her come then will ask what the reason is. She said I would never do this for my boyfriend but I have bunked for you for few min and we just laughed. She said I was just thinking of you and wanted to see you but see God listened me and you are with me. We went to church and by talking to each other felt quite relaxed.

In the evening, I bunked from my studies and as usual we went to Lake. We seated on wall and Isha always fear from my stunts which I do on that wall. She fears from water and I love water. But we seated quietly and no stunt from my side and so no rok tok from her side. She took my cell and seeing our pics of “Tour de Ranjitsagar”, and also saw some other pics and just shown them to me, it was like suddenly everything fell in silence, we just looked in each other’s eyes, listened two songs one of her choice and one of mine. I turned my face towards lake, we might more than listening songs were thinking of something else. Cool air was coming on my face, palace in the midst of lake was seeing me; lights of that palace and air were making attractive rhythm on the water of lake. Whether light or air was floating on lake, I could not decide. New leaves of trees which had just taken shower of rain and had become pure were in their original form and dancing on the tune of air. Vehicles were passing but we were in different world for few mins. It’s thought which changes everything; it takes us to the world which we have never seen and shows sometimes cruel reality which we never want to accept. It’s thought which travels thousands miles to reach to the loved one and reminds her/him that someone is thinking of you but we always are still. I analyzed how and where my thoughts went, some temporary moments which can never become reality in future had made me petrified.

I stood up and said let’s go; she just asked how will you forget all these? Few tears rolled out from my eyes, she got her reply and my eyes acknowledged it.

Encounters with life

Encounter is such a word which brings a picture of people fighting and something which is in chaos; each one tensed and just tries to come to the solution but doesn’t know about the fate of the intense situation. This is what the general perception of people for the so called encounter. But intense battle of life with self creates some different pictures. Colours of such pictures are pale and deem. Continuously struggling with the situations with no hope of ending with brightness. Each moment brings different thought and shackles the ground of life.

I feel no wonder of being encountered everyday. It was the day when I lost my title of Princess; I think it was the starting of series of encounters in my life. Lost the ground and when I looked in the sky find myself alone, suddenly my world was changed. Those tiny but very important talks remained unfulfilled. Those hands used to come on my chicks to make me feel child, the lap which can not be replaced by any luxurious bed and those eyes in which I was shining, still create the encounters.

One day my dream shattered and I became roofless. Suddenly I found myself at the circle which has got many roads but no one was for me. I stood still and was just seeing passersby being numb. I was wordless, everyone was moving with the winds but I realized wind was against me.

Hands on which I relied, have made me paralyzed. I know those hands would never come to hold me when I will fall down. In fact, it was my illusion that I’ll be hold when ditch will come on the way, in reality I was never be hold in, it was me who gave my hands and in turn my hand remained up in the air and my eyes kept waiting. I wanted to feel my beauty in those eyes but those eyes were empty because they have never looked his beauty in my eyes. When I came to know about the reality I felt as again I was slept by time.

It is like everyday I face new encounter and give myself hope of new life. Struggling with self is hard because one knows where s/he stands and can not cheat the self. It’s horrible to witness the situations and more than that it becomes intolerable when no way of escape is there. But, it’s never ending series of encounters and I don’t know how long it will last. I’m just on the way which is full of such encounters and the biggest thing is that I’m not learning anything form my mistakes and still being an emotional fool.

In search of self

I like my father’s habit of reading. It’s his very good quality. Yesterday he brought around 15 books from a book fair which is a rare occasion in Jamnagar. He reads highly philosophical book. Same quality I have inherited from my father.

Initially I was not fond of reading and found reading boring. Someone suggested me The Fountainhead, I read it and I fall in love with Ayn Rand’s philosophy which every one can not digest. I found my thinking in her words and myself in her characters. My friend CD got much credit in my reading habit. When he came to know that I read The Fountainhead, he started giving me books to read. All these books are of little high level.

Reading helped me a lot in understanding the things which are happening in my surrounding and also in my life. It’s an unseen force which drives me towards myself. I understood myself in better way; I came to understand my psychology as well as of people in my group. It created greater awareness in me about me. It gives me the direction towards my dreams; it has awakened me from unconscious state of mind. I got the meaning of my being here on this earth. It makes me think bit differently and also build my personality. The world is full of mysteries and at each juncture of our life we meet different kind of people, all these have their own set of psychology from which they themselves are unaware. Reading has become my hobby; I don’t need other person to share my views with as I found it in the book. I enjoy as I feel someone is there who thinks like me. It’s a light house for my lone journey in this big ocean called the world. It’s helping me in my search of self. But I really feel bad that I can not dedicate all the time for reading.

It wont remain free forever

It’s very true that we don’t value the things which we get in free. We get Air in free, that’s why never valued it and today we all are talking about global warming and landing our generation in a danger atmosphere.

We don’t care for someone’s love as we are getting it without paying and slowly we cultivate the habit of becoming TAKER. As I said in my earlier blog “Jamsaheb” I always remained taker in front of my mother. I took her love granted, I thought I would get it always but sometimes we enjoy with myth and today I can not take even a single drop of love from Ocean of her love. I scream for it but there is no meaning of it. I realized after losing her that whatever I want to do I need to do it at the same time and should not wait for right time to come. In professional life there is a thing called Right Time but in personal life scenario is totally different.

Life is a flow, everything is changing and I can not take things granted and also I can not hold the situations in my hand because I understand the words of Ayn Rand “Hands do perspire when hold for too long” from Fountainhead. But yes I can become GIVER and I’m happy when I bring smile on someone’s face. It makes me feel good when someone says “By talking to you I got new direction of life and I’m confident”. I don’t want to be the richest person but I want to feel wealthiest by making my surrounding happy. Giving has it’s own charm. We expect to be loved but we are so selfish that we can not speak even a single word of love to make other’s happy. We want to dream for better Materially Happy future but we don’t bother to bring new rays of Hope in our people’s eyes.

I observed that this creates elusions in other’s minds, they start taking things granted and it hurts me a lot when people take my love granted. My emotions are not the things which I sell for free. It is associated with my conscious and it drives my life. It’s strength of my nerves and reason of becoming positive. These sorts of experiences are changing my attitude and I want to change myself because now I want to remove the tag of Emotional Person from my crown. I’m happy that I’m becoming particle. I started giving priorities in relations, caring only those who care for me. It was just a speed breaker on my NH-7. Really I am very much Happy with this change in life because now no one has right to take my feelings granted and now my emotions wont remain free forever!

Designer Patch Work

In early days, when our cloths got torn and show some empty space, we needed to cover this emptiness with Patch Work. Psychology of human life is same, we always need someone’s love and care, we always want to feel secured, and we always expect to be Most Important or Someone Special in someone’s life. Is this the result of our emptiness? Does our mind feel void ness? What do we do when this happen? We try out that early day’s practice of Patch Work. We try to cover our emptiness by borrowing love from others. We feel ashamed if our emotions will be disclosed, we feel uncomfortable with openness, and hence we want a cover. But borrowed things are temporary; this is only a temporary solution.
Moreover we forgot the basic need is covering, we want suitable patching. We ask for love and care from the person whom we love; we can not accept love from who loves us. We don’t want ordinary patching but we want to have Designer Patch Work which shows our suitability, compatibility. Life is like this only all the time, spending in search of something which just fulfill our desires and make us feel satisfied. We want a reason to feel Fulfilled. Once the same reason goes we again start for some better Patches. This Designer Patches make cloths colorful and lovely but at last cloth lost its reality, originality which was eternal.

Closing Chapter

Somewhere I read or heard “rather than spoiling relation by bitter actions, it’s better to quit with smile”. Everything here heads towards end, each day I move towards my end. My new pen is moving to get finished, my clothes are becoming older day by day and one day I will replace my pen with better one and will fill my wardrobe with more expensive and attractive clothes. Does all this affect much? May be NO, but few things in life affect a lot which have broken me and have made me numb. It’s very simple and natural in its own way but leaves with no option. I can not look beyond the boundary which I drawn at my own, even though I know it’s an illusionary line. It does not exist, but binds my vision within the circumference. I am feeling it’s better to be a dew drop on leaf with my own identity rather than losing originality in the OCEAN. I read this chapter it was beautiful and I learnt enough from it now and so closing this chapter forever.

I am made to make a mark and not to walk on typical ready made path on which everyone likes to walk and run to win. I want to design my future with my own invention and I will decide my boundary no one else has right to decide what I can do and what I should do. I’m not at all bothered about ‘Packaged Food’, Packaged Food whom Ayn Rand called Second Handers and Osho has called Bhid. I don’t hope for anything good nor want to see any miracle. I just want to close this chapter.

Just for a Moment

Whatever we do we do it for some special moment only. This special moment is a moment of appreciation, achievement, satisfaction, love, care.

We keep studying hard and every year we try to achieve more. This whole hearted hard work is just to feel an achievement for a moment. Mother cares for a child just to make her feel secured and when child is learning to walk it knows mother is there to give hands and this is a special moment for both child and mother, they both can feel a special moment when child falls and mother holds her in her arms. A man holds her wife’s hand without speaking a word but they can feel love and feeling of oneness in a special moment. We give food to poor not to do some charity work but it’s a special moment when the feeling of satisfaction can be seen in his eyes after having food. When one listens “Love you” spoken by from someone’s deep heart, it becomes a special moment of wining the whole world. When one says that “I’m always with you”, for a moment it can be felt that everyone is by my side and I can do everything. When husband says “you are very beautiful”, it makes special moment for his wife as for a moment she feels she is Cleopatra.

We live for all these moments. We make our world by these special moments. Everything joy, sorrow, love, care, satisfaction, achievement lies in these moments. We carve our path with all these moments which are unforgettable memories.

I want to make my world by bringing smile on my friends’ face, by being always by their side. I want to become the reason of this special moment in my surrounding. I may not achieve visible success in this world but I want to achieve happiness in other’s life because of me. I want to do all these Just for a Moment when I’ll die I want to feel it as the most precious moment of my life.

I'm Good

I take firm decision. I don’t know this is good quality or not. Ocean says I should keep two options always, he might be right but I never do it in my personal life. I believe in doing with determination. Whatever I do I give my best to it and I always get the expected result and sometimes more than expectations. For the first time I failed, I am not taking it professionally because to get in Navy was not a career option like other jobs. It was my passion to do something for country. I know there are other better ways to serve the nation but I believe by being in armed forces I could be in the front row. I always wanted to do something different about which a common girl has never thought. It was craziest desire to wear white uniform with golden stripes on shoulder and a name tag along with the rank.

I don’t understand how one can think for another option before getting the result. I do things by believing that I’ve got only one chance in life to do it and later on I should not have any regret that I didn’t give my best. So I do it as I’m dying and this is the best thing I can do in end moments. But I have regret for Navy because someone did not allow me for it and how could I give up for my dreams, I was very stupid that I had believed it and missed my chance. When I awaken it became too late. But now I have no option other than accepting the reality.

I was thinking that Defense needs smart and good person with high moral values. When I failed, initial thought came in my mind was that I am not a good person but then I analyzed myself and I found by not getting in, in Indian Navy does not mean that I am not a good person. I am still a good person, I try not to hurt anyone, I care for my friends, I am honest, I have guts to accept my mistakes. I do charity work which I don’t need to tell every one that see I am doing such a great work. If I keep saying all these means I am doing for show off and which is not my interest. I do it because I am really concerned for it and I think if my little help can make someone’s life better than it’s my true earning of life. Earning of self satisfaction which is very important because one should feel relaxed and joyous by own actions. If I’m not happy with my doing then there is no meaning of doing it. Success doesn’t mean money or fame. If self is satisfied, it is an achievement.

For the first time I felt discrimination of being a small town girl in SSB. Earlier I could not realize it but now day by day I’m learning from SSB. In interview he asked me other than my city how many other cities I have visited. This means he wanted to know whether I’m truly small town girl. Later when I replied the reason for my fitness that I go for my little jog every morning, sarcastically he asked Oh is there any place for jogging in your city? what is this? does he mean that a small town girl can not do anything? It’s wrong; he might have forgotten that Gandhiji, Dyanand Srswati, Sardar Vallbh bhai, APJ Kalam belong to a small town. In many questions he made me felt that I’m from small town and from business background which means I’m not suitable for armed forces but I think this is unfair. It’s the person’s quality which makes him/her suitable to a particular work but finally he gave preference to all of those girls who were from Defense Background.

Mission Accomplished

It was the day for which I was waiting eagerly; I landed in Bangalore with high expectation, enthusiasm, and great hope of achieving my goal of becoming a Naval Officer. I was waiting to see that feeling of conquer in my father’s eyes and proud for me by seeing me in Naval Officer’s White Uniform; just one special moment to have some rank with my name and golden stripes on my shoulder drove me crazy always.

Main headache was “Screen In” as I know that I am not intelligent but I am average and my Non Verbal reasoning is not that much good but fortunately I screened In. Out of 99 we 40 girls screened In. Fun days started here, it was like my Gurukul Days had come back. I don’t remember how Neha, Karuna, Rachita and I became friends but those were fantastic moments to be together. Neha very sweet girl, Karuna always in Laughing Mode and Rachita very thoughtful girl and we are good friends. I never knew that on most awaiting days I would meet most memorable friends in such a strange way. We shared all the funny moments and our experiences of Ground tasks. Even though we were in different groups, experiences were same. Especially in snake race we forgot that we are girls and climbed all the obstacles by taking our group members together. It was a great experience of working in group.

After all those sweet days, a day came - Conference Day. The Day of Judgment (Judgment of our attitude, personality) the day of result the day which had decided our path and the day which brought smile on few faces and tears in some eyes. We all dressed well for Conference and took our luggage to assemble at reception. One by one we attended our conference like facing some strong winds of questions and anyhow we tried to climb those mountains. Finally result declared by a Lady Officer and we all came in blues. Suddenly fun turned in sorrow. It was like we were broken pieces of glass lying carelessly on road, a dried leaf of tree just going in the direction of winds rather than facing it, a drop of water on plain surface and disappeared within a second due to sun heat, a cuticle which was removed brutally.

After 8 days, still the thought is not leaving me, in my dreams also I’m grudging. Initially there was no hope left and felt like life had ended but oxygen is there in air to breath and yet my heart is able to pump the blood in my body, water is there to drink and so life has to go on. I’m trying to come back on routine State Highway No. 25 journey which I hated the most, feeling clumsy in this uniform which I thought would never wear again after my Bangalore trip and adjusting amongst Second Handers.

I received an email from Nilu stating Thought for the day “Always pick up something, whenever you fall”. And I went back to my first professional failure; I recollected all the memories by burying died seeds. I realized it was fantastic and adventurous experience. The most important thing is that I got good friends with whom I built a museum of sweetest memories and floated a Tear River on their shoulder. Those were the days which gifted me love, care and relations for the life time. All these I can never purchase by being professional purchaser but Almighty gave great opportunity to rejoice and my Gurukul days. It was the most memorable period of my life. I would say I accomplished my Mission, I achieved Success.

We always get choices in life. Many times we have more than two-three options available and at a given time we have to select only one. And choosing the correct one becomes extremely difficult. This selected option decides the further course of life, which decides on which path we will have to walk.

In such a selection game, we need to give priority to each option. Mind and heart start playing their roles. Both always stand on opposite edge. They are two sides of coins, even though being together they can not see each other as they always faces towards opposite direction.

Typically, mind listen outer world and directs to the path on which society wants to see us. Mind does not consider self satisfaction; it just follows the formula given by others and brings the desired output. Mind always tries to prove itself in front of others. It paints the picture the way world wants to see. It has nothing to do with emotions; it just wants to show off the world. It’s like wearing a mask of happiness because it suits to the other’s view and then getting suffocated in that mask.

Heart is just like first sun ray of the day which is unaware of what’s going to happen after one hour. It’s as fresh as a drop of monsoon’s first shower. It brings soft ripples of joy and directs towards the freedom. It’s simply a flow of river passing through all the hurdles but doesn’t get hurt by the sharp, acute edge of stones. It doesn’t like to get trapped in Golden Cage created by society. Heart is so innocent that it doesn’t put emotions in societal equations. Following heart means to be a free bird; free from all the criticism, fear, remarks, and sadness.

At the end, we need to decide whether to follow an existing path or to create our own path and make others to follow it; be a free bird or remain in a Golden Cage; be a river or a water of pond; see the world through borrowed vision or to enjoy own vision; Be a follower or a creator, choice is ours!

Lucky

Just before few days my Ocean told me that I am lucky I’ve got very good friends. I agreed. We meet many people in life, they come and go but some relations are eternal.

My friend Sangi! A name creates an image of smiling doll, a flowing river, soft ripple. She is a green leaf. I met her in Gurukul, she is my childhood friend. I miss those innocent fights. We were rivals in all the competitions but we were best friends also. She is very good singer and don’t talk about my singing, except my Ocean no one can tolerate me singingJ. We used to stand near window and dreamed for flying high in the open sky, to become career queen. Without knowing the bitter reality, we used to think of changing the world “Jukti hai duniya jukanewala chahie”, and the funny thing is that we were only ten years old at that time. But, even today we can see those dreams in each other’s eyes. She is doing well in her studies and working very hard for it in London, I’m proud of her and I have just stepped into the so called OFFICE LIFE. I miss those suppers and lunch which we had together in Gurukul. It was a golden period of my life. I can never forget the day when I got the news of my Jamsaheb (my MA) that she has left me forever, I gave first call to Sangi, we cried together and before I reach to home, she reached. Her hug made me feel that she is with me. The whole night we spent together. We remembered all those funny incidents which we had with Jamsaheb with tearful eyes. I never need to say “I need you”

My friend Isha with whom I keep roaming here and there on my Dio. We go to the Ram Dairy-an Ice cream parlor, our favorite spot. I don’t know why we like to be at Ram Dairy but we love to be there and enjoy Ice creams. Just before few days a group of youngsters (girls and guys) came there and she asked “had we dared to come like this in our college days?” I replied “Never” but we were happy by seeing them. Many times she asks why we need to have a boyfriend, we both are very Happy each other, by allowing guys in our life we are just creating troubles but I wish she may meet her Mr. Right very soon because I know once I’ll leave the city she will feel my absence deeply. I don’t understand why Isha and I are always together, we are very different. Even being an Advocate she has no career dream, while I have lot many heights to achieve. For her, marriage is an aim of life while for me marriage is a part of life and not an aim of life. We dress up totally differently. When we go for shopping we always pick up different things. She is very innocent; she has not seen the life out of the city and never wants to see. She is very good listener, whenever I get angry or I feel dull she listens peacefully. I never need to say “I need you”

CD, he is an amazing man, I really admire him. He teaches me how to be professional. I can say he has played an important role in making me patient otherwise I don’t know with how many colleagues I would have fought. I don’t know what is there in our relation, I’m 10 years younger than him but he never behaved like an elder. We are just friends, simply friends. From outside he is very tough but I know he is very emotional guy who even can cry. I’ve learnt many important lessons of life from him. I can not describe him in words; every word seems smaller in front of him. Everyday he takes my class and gets gussa on me that I’m not preparing enough for my SSB and I really like it as someone is there who really wants to see me in that White Uniform. He understands me so perfectly that I never need to say “I need you”.

Yes my Ocean I’m lucky that I have good friends and you are with me and have accepted me what I’m. Life doesn’t become rich with bank balance but we do need good people around us, who are our real strength.

Jamsaheb

Many incidents happen in our day-to-day life but we can not remember all of them or don’t give much importance. Few can stir our heart and awake us from deep silent sleep. Such incident of my life is related to my MA.

Every one loves mother and so I. I think I had always been TAKER and MA had been GIVER. Since my birth I kept asking for something and she never denied for anything. Her tenderness and unconditional love made me feel the princess in my own paradise. She never acted like mother but was my best friend; I could share everything with her.

It was very tough for me and MA to separate from each other but had no option I wanted to make my career and she wanted me to achieve greater heights in life. I left for Pune for M.B.A. With heavy heart I said bye to my MA. Everyday we were in touch through cell phone. She used to ask about breakfast, lunch and dinner and I kept complaining about the food and on phone many times she cried by worrying for me. We were planning her visit to Pune after my exams so we can spend quality time together.

It was the first internal paper of my M.B.A. As usual in the early morning I talked to MA, she asked about the breakfast and luckily I had taken Idaly so nothing was there to complain about. By hearing her voice I got the idea that she was ill. I asked her the reason and the reply was just not feeling well, might have viral fever but will get well soon. I asked for her blessings. She said “You will get everything you want; the world is yours, beta my blessings are always with you”. For few minutes I felt something different, could not concentrate and was feeling like something is there behind her words. I still can feel those words with her voice and tone.

The next day I got the news she had left me forever. It shocked my senses; I could not speak and could not react. Just my tears were expressing my pain. Suddenly I lost my paradise, I lost my MA. I had lost the title of princess. All the unsaid promises remained in darkness; all the said things vanished in air. The world has changed for me. Words from relatives were pinching me like needle. Her words were floating in my eyes “You will get everything you want; the world is yours, beta my blessings are always with you”.

Shortly, life went back on track and started concentrating on career by thinking that just fulfills her dream for me of becoming a Career Queen. But still that feeling of taker is not leaving me. It’s putting me in terrible situation that I could not give her anything. I wanted to do many things for her but never got the opportunity. I have never spoken to her about all those things which I wanted to give her. She made me princess but I wanted to make her Queen which I could not do. I am feeling deep guilty for all those things. During our last talk also she gave me everything by her blessings. Even at the end I remained TAKER.

Save Girl Child

I appreciate TOI's campaign "Save Girl Child". It has caught attention of many people and I think it should change the way people think of girl child. According to me, saving girl child is not enough, she should get equal rights as boys are enjoying in the country. Though India is growing and shifting paradigm rapidly towards western culture, gender inequality exists there in society. I feel extremely lucky as my parents fully supported me in education and in all the way. I grown up in very free environment. At home I never felt inequality. But I do feel it at work place. I am not getting enough opportunity as I'm woman, this upsets me and hindering my career path. My boss has even got daughters but he fears for giving me some opportunity by saying I'm a woman employee. This is unfair in an MNC.


I heard from many parents that educating girl is not fruitful, I don't understand why such parents think for profit, personal relations don't mean for profits. In society when it comes the property issue, parents put son in front row. In the matter of divorce also woman has to think for society but same in case of man it's easily acceptable. I've seen this in matrimonial ad also "A divorcee guy is looking for a beautiful single woman". More than this parents do send their daughter's proposal to this sort of ad, this means inequality is openly acceptable in well educated families also. It's general perception that woman has to adjust at every step of life, why this is so??? For any relation both the sides should adjust to make the relation beautiful.


Now towards some positive aspects, my maid is so conscious for her girl's education, she wants to give her best to her daughter she dreams that her daughter would become doctor one day. This means there is an improvement at lower level which we can expect from higher level also.It's nice to know that woman will get entry in NDA also, this will prove woman's physical power on field also. We can also do, we have equal power just give us chance. It's a wrong perception that physically men are stronger than women. How is this possible??? woman bears the pain to be a mother, she enjoys all the sufferings to give a new life. So, we the women are equally strong as man.



Let's look forward for the day when there will be gender equality in all the way in India. And on that I would say we are independent in true way. So, save a girl child and make her feel equal at every step.

Emotional Security: Food for Soul

We need shelter, food, medicine, vehicle and of course money for our physical security. Nowadays many private companies are emerging in Indian insurance market but LIC is the most trustworthy firm. Why? Because we want to be very very secured and it’s human nature to be secured. Every time we search for safer corner where we get the most secured environment and people get succeeded also.

In same way, we want emotionally secured environment which is very important in our life. We are depended on our loved one for love and care, which make us happy. When a person is in love, s/he is in the most energetic state of the life. As food is required to keep the body energetic, love and care are required to our soul for inspiration. It’s the “Feeling of Importance” one gets from loved one, when we receive attention from someone special we feel our importance, we get the meaning of our existence. It’s extremely beautiful feeling, the whole world around us gets changed suddenly. It secures that we are not alone someone is there to hold hands when I’ll fell down; someone is there who will never let me down.

At some juncture of life we need to open up our feelings. We think that why we should tell everything when the person is understanding it without saying but everyone likes to listen her/ his importance even though s/he is knowing, the reason is simple it gives the surety that yes s/he is right, it makes her/his feel secured and secure ness makes the relation more stronger. We should be more expressive through words and through our acts. We live life in seconds; we imagine whole life within few minutes, we make plan in moments only on the basis of emotional attachment. Shower your love and care on your dear one and let her/him feel “Someone Special” in emotionally secured relation!

"Right to freedom”

As per Indian constitution every citizen has got fundamental rights, one of them is “Right to Freedom”. But in reality are we enjoying all these rights? For some one it’s YES for some one it’s NO.

By seeing recent incidence of beating women who attended the pub, it can be seen women are not free to enjoy their rights in our society and the reason was to save the cultural values but where in culture has been said to beat the women. In our epics, it’s been said that “God lives where woman is worshipped”. Such cases must be criticized by society to save their own rights. From authorities we are getting reply to tighten the security at our own is this we expect from the authority on which we are depended for our security? If security is individual’s responsibility then for what we are voting. Why do they need commandos for their security? We need leaders who safeguard our all interests rather than policy makers which remain only on paper. Being in democracy, we expect our all rights to be enjoyed freely without any hesitation.

This is not the issue of saving cultural value, on the other side of coin something different is being designed. It’s only to impose the ideology of particular group and create the special image in society. India being such a big democracy and having people of different religion, class, caste; many small groups are emerging with their own ideology and later these group forms the political party with desires to getting the strong position in society, they want public attention and to hold their power they impose their own rules on public. This is one of the reasons which stopping people to stand up and speak.

To save our cultural values, let everyone decide their own moral values and behave accordingly. As far as it does not disturb other’s freedom, let everyone to enjoy their liberty. If it hurts other’s freedom, laws are there and government should go by law rather than taking an extreme steps which itself is illegal. Let’s wake up to enjoy our fundamental rights by making sure of fulfilling our duties sincerely for making the India a democratic nation in real sense.